Today is the 23rd anniversary of the night I met Kara. I am grateful that instead of sitting and waiting for the grief to suddenly erupt, I’m preparing to travel with our girl for more college auditions and some daddy date time in the big city. To quote some of what I personally feel might be the cringiest slang ever uttered in the history of dialect (my apologies to my young Zoomer friends), she definitely aboutta eat.
I’m in a decent headspace this morning so I wanted to post the first photo taken of us and tell you guys a little about that night. This is not from the night in question, and we weren’t even a couple when it was taken, but it’s the first one and it was when I had really started to tap into the feelings I would eventually and still have for her.
January 26, 2001. I showed up at the Shark Club in Centreville that night in my spiky hair and goatee, wearing maybe white jeans and a black ribbed turtleneck sweater from Structure. “Complete Tool Chic” as I like to call the style. Appropriately going along with my super sweet outfit, I was cocky. I worked out 6 days a week and even worked at the club part time as a bouncer. I was off that night and had gone to see my friends Breakingform play and maybe talk to the ladies.
As any cocky 26-year old in a black turtleneck sweater would do, I walked around looking for a young woman to impress. Yikes. There was a large fish tank that separated the bar area from the dance floor on the far end of the downstairs area where the bands played, which surprisingly enough had never seen a drunk head go through it, but I digress. I had just grabbed a beer at the bar and turned to head back to see the band when I saw her next to the aquarium.
I had never seen anything like her before. She looked like the culmination of every dumb teenage boy fantasy I had ever had. What struck me first were her Disney princess-sized sea green eyes, which I immediately knew were blue (first wrong of mine during our long and lovely tenure together). But what really grabbed me was the company she was with. These all seemed like such lovely people, and she looked to be the same way. No pretense, no show, just good people. I was absolutely fascinated. I had to talk to her.
I have always been the kind of man who speaks to a woman as if she is a person. I know that sounds pretty ridiculous of me to have to say, but growing up in the 80’s was a time of contact paper-like coverings. Men used a lot of things like pickup lines or false bravado to cover for holes in our masculinity or humility. It was even on the shows we watched. Characters like Jack Tripper, “Hawkeye” Pierce, Sam Malone, they all seemed to be vulnerable and sensitive at times but only long after a bit of comedic and maybe suggestive teases. I was never comfortable with opening that way. Growing up, I hadn’t witnessed a ton of the interplay between spouses in a heterosexual relationship aside from my extended family. I had been raised by my mom who worked full time, and did so alongside a cast of strong and independent female characters. Looking back it seems sad that it felt like a noble concept to women I spoke to, but I really just wanted to talk to them and find out what they were about. I thankfully wasn’t comfortable opening with cheese (that always rained heavily down later on in the relationship).
I say I was cocky because I had gotten to a place where I would talk to a woman in the middle of a bachelorette party, a universally known no-no, if I felt I wanted to know her. That doesn’t mean I was always very sure of myself. This night I went over to the Shark Club shark tank and started up a conversation with this amazing person who had absolutely stolen my gaze, just hoping she would like to talk to me. To my surprise, and also sort of no surprise, she was open, warm, sweet, and engaging. Her name was Kara. And her friends, who I felt were protective and watching out for each other had graciously opened their circle and their discussions to me. It was really wonderful. I remember everyone who was there and even some of the chats we had.
Kara and I ended up seated a little further in the evening in a booth so we could talk and watch our friends Breakingform play. I was really surprised by this jewel I had met and was looking forward to hopefully getting a date, where I would be more comfortable breaking out the cheese, outside of all the Centreville-ness of ‘The Shark’ some time. When the band went on break, our buddy Rick came over to the table. He was the drummer and I had been in a band with him previously for many years so we knew each other really well.
“So I see you two have already met” he quipped with his signature smirk. It turns out he had planned to introduce us all along. It was almost unbelievable. And as would be the theme for many of the years Kara and I would spend together not terribly long after that, I was just proving to be gifted at ruining surprises. I knew she was special but I had no idea how much I would learn and of course how deeply I would love her. No date of my life was more important than this one. And even though my staticky little ADHD brain can’t remember how many scoops of coffee I tossed into the filter, or to apply my old-man under eye gel in the morning 9 seconds after seeing the reminder on my phone, this night will never, ever leave me.
Thank you for sharing...such a sweet story!
Love this. And so glad you have made it to Substack. Enjoy your trip to the city and hope we can get together soon.